Available At: A grocery store near you
Cost: Less than a dollar

Notes: People have asked me if I like anything that’s pumpkin. Probably they are being snarky, but I will nevertheless answer sincerely: no.

It is true that if something is pumpkin-flavored, there is a stronger chance that I will like it than something that is not (see Pumpkin Spice Cheerios), but it’s still no guarantee.

Take this yogurt, for example. I was psyched to see a pumpkin yogurt I hadn’t tried yet, but as soon as I saw on the label that it was “light,” I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like it. Obviously, I bought it and ate it anyway, because I am devoted to you all.

I took a bite, and it was pretty good for about 4 seconds. Then all I got was the flavor of artificial sweeteners. This is true of all light yogurts, in my opinion. So, really, what I got was pumpkin spice Nutrisweet (or whatever artifical sweetener Yoplait is using these days). In my opinion, yogurt consumption should be a big YOLO and you should go for actual fat and sugar.